Don't Leave Dad with the Kids
by AwesomatoligicalHaliBug
Summary: If you leave a dad with the kids...something bad is bound to happen. EdWin OC kids Rated M just in case! A set of oneshots containing Ed being left alone with his rugrats.
1. Daddy's a Good Guesser

_"Honey, I'm going to the doctor to pick up the boys' medicine. I'll be back in a half hour,"_ Winry had said just fifteen minutes ago. Edward was left alone with his twin boys, something that he didn't think would be too hard. They weren't a handful when Winry was around, and besides, how much trouble could two six month old babies get into? Apparently, a lot.

"Don't tell your mother, don't tell your mother," Ed whispered out as he sat the babies on the floor, looking at each of them deeply in the eye. "Crap.." he trailed off.

Edward Elric, the father who had been overjoyed to discover that his magic dick managed to get identical twins on the first try, had mixed up his children.

"Okay, raise your hand if you're Ethan," the father tried. Both babies just flashed identical smiles, amused by their father's antics. Edward groaned. "Okay, okay..How do I keep track of you guys when your mom is here?" Winry always kept track of both the boys, and Ed was always told who was who whenever he was handed a baby. Not this time.

"I got it! I'll call Mustang." Edward grinned at his brilliance. "Okay, boys, don't move," he ordered, walking over to the cord phone in the dining room, keeping the boys in sight the entire time. Even though he delivered an order, he didn't expect it to stick. He picked up the phone, dialing his previous superior officer's number.

_"Hello?" _the man's voice sounded on the other line.

"Mustang, it's me!" Edward laughed nervously as he turned his vision away from the boys for one second, turning back to see they were gone. "Dammit!"

"Edward? Why are you calling me?" Mustang asked. "Is something wrong?"

"Yes, something is wrong!" Ed shouted out. "I mixed up the boys and called you to ask how you managed to keep them together when you babysat but now they're gone!"

"Well, actually, I just kept the kids exactly how you gave them to me, changed a few diapers, and gave them back. You guys knew who was who. Where's Winry?" Mustang asked.

"She went to the doctor to pick up their medicine and she'll be back in fifteen minutes," Edward was frantically looking for the boys while trying to stay on the phone, which only stretched so far. "Look, I gotta go, I need to find the boys." Ed hung up the phone, slamming it on the receiver and went off to try and find his boys.

He ran to the front door where he found Winry on one knee with a baby on the other grabbing on her hair and another baby grabbing onto her knee to try and crawl up. Edward had expected her to yell a few choice words and threaten the almighty sex against him for not watching the boys, yet she seemed amused.

"What's so funny?" he asked, slightly offended.

"I left you alone for fifteen minutes and you've lost the boys." Winry laughed.

"I thought you were going to be gone for a half hour," Edward commented, letting her amusement slide.

"I got the prescription earlier than expected. I _was _going to get some tea with some friends in town since I had the extra time, but I missed my baby boys too much," Winry spoke, kissing each of the boys on their cheeks playfully. It erupted giggles from them that filled the room.

"Hey, Win.." Ed trailed off. He didn't want to outright tell her that he mixed up the boys. "I'm glad you decided to come back early. Why don't you take Ethan to get a diaper change while I feed Anthony?" he suggested.

"Actually, why don't _you_ give Ethan a diaper change. I just got back." Winry smirked in an evil little way that showed Edward that she knew what had happened.

"Fine.." Ed trailed off, trying to pick which baby to pick up. He grabbed the one who was trying to crawl onto Winry, taking him into the nursery.

"Lucky guess!" he heard Winry call.

He smirked. "Daddy's a good guesser." Ethan laughed.


	2. Another Baby

"Another baby?!" Ethan and Anthony cried out simultaneously. This was something they were never expecting. Their sister was two and a half and they weren't sure they were ready for another sister. Sure, they loved Kristy, but after she was born there had been no sleep and the Elric parents fought constantly over little things for six months.

"Yeah, another baby," Winry said with a smile. She rested a hand on her stomach softly. She was already three months along, wanting to wait until she was out of her first trimester before saying anything to the kids.

"Kristy, do you want a little brother or sister?" Edward asked, kneeling down to his toddler daughter's height. She was standing beside Anthony, barely reaching his knees. She shook her head with a small pout and a puff of the cheeks that reminded Ed so much of his wife. "Why not?" he asked with a laugh.

"I'm the baby!" she cried out with a huff and a stomp of the foot.

There was a baby born. Just after the twins turned thirteen and Kristy turned three, a baby was born to Edward and Winry Elric. Jordyn Elric. She had tufts of soft blonde hair, almost as if a mixture between Winry's blonde and Edward's golden blonde.

"She's perfect," Ed said softly. The two parents still had time to be alone with their newest addition before Pinako would go get the rest of the kids to meet their new sister.

"Yeah she is," Winry sighed contently. She just didn't know how anyone else could have as perfect a life as she had.

"You're not being left alone with this one."

* * *

**That's right! I decided to give Ed and Winry another daughter. Now they have _FOUR _kids! That's about the right size of my family :) Sorry the chapter is so short! They'll get longer, I swear. **


	3. Delivery Man

"Winry! I have a package for you!" a delivery man – who happened to always be the one to deliver packages to Winry when she was in Rush Valley – called as he stepped out of his truck.

The delivery man – Cameron – loved delivering to Winry. She was attractive, funny, and blonde; all the qualities he liked in a woman.

As of late, Cameron noticed that Winry hadn't been in Rush Valley so often. She would only come once a month, usually leaving another worker to take care of her clients; even though they desperately wanted her. He had wanted to call her up, make her come down, but he knew it wouldn't work. She just wasn't that into him.

"Hey!" a small voice snapped Cameron out of his thoughts. Looking down, he saw two children who couldn't be any older than five. They were obviously twins, as they looked identical – golden blonde hair and familiar blue eyes – and were wearing matching outfits.

"What do you want?" Cameron asked, directing his attention to one of them, and hoping it was the one that had shouted at him.

"You're the guy miss Paninya doesn't like!" one standing on the left of him shouted.

"Paninya doesn't like me, huh?" Cameron had to crack a smile. Of course Paninya didn't like him – he didn't give her attention like he did to Winry and her beautiful curves.

"Yeah, so go away or we'll tell our mommy on you!" the one on the right of him shouted.

"Oh, don't do that, because I might get into trouble," Cameron said, acting as if he were truly scared of this. Anything to please the kids enough to deliver the package.

"That's the idea!" the one on the left shouted out once again. The two of them then turned to the open door of the shop Winry worked out. "Mommy, mommy, mommy!" they shouted in unison.

"What's wrong?" Winry asked, now standing in the doorway while holding an oily cloth. It was obvious she had just been working on her latest automail limb.

"The stupid guy's here!" one of them shouted. Winry laughed.

"Ethan, that's not very nice," she said, walking toward the three of them.

"Winry, you're a mommy?" Cameron asked. He hated kids. They were always drooling, and picking their noses, and doing stupid stuff as if they didn't know any better.

"You got a problem with kids?" Winry asked. She swiped the package out of his hands, knowing it was for her, and read the card attached above it. "Boys, your daddy sent this from Resembool."

"Daddy? Lemme see!" one of them asked. Winry knelt down to their height, holding the box and card so they could see it.

"The card says, _Hope you're having fun without me. I'm bored and lonely, and I miss my boys. Love you guys, daddy_." Winry left out the small _p.s. _note that read, _And I hope we can have kinky sex when you get back._ Obviously her husband hadn't been expecting a delivery person to read this note, though it seemed that Cameron hadn't.

"What's in the box?" one standing on her left asked.

"I don't know, why don't you open it?" Winry suggested. She handed the boys the box before standing, letting them destroy it to find out what sweet treasure lie inside.

"You never told me you had kids," Cameron said.

"I told you I was married, Cameron," Winry responded. She folded her arms over her chest, making sure her wedding band was visible.

"Yeah, but kids? Marriages can be annulled until then."

"Why would I want to have my marriage annulled?" Winry asked.

"To be with me," Cameron said, acting innocent.

"Yeah, okay." Winry rolled her eyes. She knelt down once again beside her twins. "What did your daddy send you?"

"Matching hats!" they said simultaneously. Winry smiled, fitting each boy with a hat, though one had the letter A on it, and one had the letter E.

"Do you like them?" she asked.

"Love them!" The boys smiled bright, running inside of the shop.

"Thanks, Cameron, that'll be all today," Winry said. She then walked back into the shop, leaving the poor delivery man to regain his composure and leave.

"So why did you bring the boys with you for this trip again?" Paninya asked when all was said and done.

"I can't leave their father alone with them," Winry said with a laugh.


	4. Not a Pretty Daughter

Edward Elric had been a father for a long time. He hadn't been prepared for a first baby, let alone identical twins, and sure as hell wasn't prepared for this.

"Daddy, just cut it!" his four-year old daughter cried out. Well, daughter was a loose term in this situation. Jordyn Elric, the youngest daughter of the Elrics, turned around on her stool to glare at him. "I want it like Ethan and Anthony's!"

Winry had always cut the hair in the family. Ed would have been content to let everyone run around with long hair – it wasn't like he cared when his hair was long. Win would cut the boys' hair short whenever it began to look shaggy, and she would help the Kristy tame her hair whenever it got bad enough.

"Don't you want it long like mommy, daddy, and Kristy?" Ed asked. The only reason Winry wasn't doing this was because she was in Rush Valley for the week and took Kristy with her. Now Edward was stuck with his youngest daughter and two teenage sons. _Great._

"No! I want it like Ethan and Anthony!" Jordyn puffed up her cheeks in anger. Ethan was a lot like his father in many ways, but Jordyn took the prize when it came to her father's hot headed trait. Though, Winry also got pretty angry.

Edward sighed, taking the scissors and snipping at his baby girl's little brown curls. It would make Winry cry when she got home. She loved Jordyn's baby curls, and never snipped a hair off of the toddler's head.

After it was all said and done, Jordyn smiled at herself in the mirror. She dawned a red t-shirt that was once Ethan's and blue shorts that belonged to Anthony, as well as socks Winry had purchased for her. The socks had frills at the tip of them – Winry always caught Jordyn trying to take them off – so Edward tucked them away for her so they wouldn't be visible.

"Better?" Ed asked. Jordyn turned to her daddy and smiled big, showing off her teeth.

"Thank you, daddy!" she cried out, running to her father, who lifted her up in a hug.

"So, what do you think your mommy's going to say?" the eldest Elric asked his youngest child.

"Mommy's gonna be sad," Jordyn said, laying her head on her father's shoulder.

"Do you feel bad that mommy's gonna be sad?" Edward asked. Jordyn shook her head. "Why not?"

"Because I like how I look," Jordyn said with such simplicity it made Ed jealous.

"What if mommy doesn't think you're a pretty daughter?"

"I'm not a pretty daughter, I'm a handsome son."

* * *

**Aaaah, I love this. I _needed _to write Ed having a transgender kid, and Jordyn is so cute in my head. **

**I don't want to offend anyone by having referred to Jordyn as a girl throughout this entire chapter, but I didn't want to let out the big reveal until the very end. Though, I'm sure it was easy to guess. **


	5. Pictures of Us

**I know this doesn't exactly play in to not leaving a dad with kids, but I thought it was an adorable idea. Directly tied to 'It Started with a Video Camera', but you don't need to read it to understand what's going on. **

* * *

"Time for your first photo as a married couple!" Alphonse exclaimed cheerfully as he grabbed a camera, holding it up to assume position of taking a picture.

In truth, it was a day worth remembering. Edward and Winry's wedding day. Alphonse could still remember back to the day he and his brother fought over who was going to marry her. Al won the fight, but Edward got the girl. The youngest brother would let him have her – they were in love anyway.

"Come on, Al, put that thing away!" Ed groaned. Hughes was always the one to take pictures when they were kids, but since he was in Central on business – sending a _long ass apology note _on why he couldn't come – Alphonse had taken his role.

The eldest Elric brother was wearing a suit that Al had bought for him, and Winry was wearing the wedding dress her mother had worn. All in all, the event was beautiful.

"No!" Al argued. "I want to capture all these moments, brother. Someday you can show this to your kids."

"Kids?" Ed gulped, causing Winry to laugh at her new husband's reaction.

"Come on, Ed, we're going to have kids someday, and it would be fun to show them everything. Besides, we could add it to granny's collection," Winry reasoned, referring to the collection of photos Pinako had accumulated over the years.

"Alright, alright." Edward wrapped an arm around his wife and smiled wide. Alphonse took the picture.

* * *

"Hun, I'm exhausted. No amount of coffee could get me out of bed right now," Ed moaned out. He was currently lying in bed, an arm wrapped around one infant – swaddled in a yellow blanket – and another infant lazily lying in a position almost just like him – having found his way out of his blue swaddle.

"I want to have our first family photo, Ed, and if you don't let me have one, I'm going to pour hot coffee on your ass." Eventually, the blonde's glare was burning a hole through her husband's back, and he stood.

"Do we really have to do this?" he asked, picking up both babies and holding them carefully in his arms. After having the twins for two weeks, he had become accustomed to holding both of them at the same time, confident he wouldn't break them.

"It's been two weeks and my belly is going down. My face isn't swollen anymore, and I don't want the boys to get too big before we do it. It's the perfect time," Winry explained. She took her swaddled bundle from her husband, laying him in the small bassinet nearby their bed.

"Dress code?" Edward asked. He didn't remember when his family portrait with him and Alphonse's mother had been taken, but knew they were all dressed up for it – aside from Al being in a footed sleeper with a pacifier and bib on him.

"You're going to wear a blue button-up and some dress pants, and I'm going to wear my pink blouse and white skirt. The boys are going to be in matching blue onesies," Winry said.

Together the two of them got the children ready, Edward holding Anthony and Winry holding Ethan. Their smiles contained joy in the moment that they came to realize that they were really a family.

* * *

Jordyn screamed when her sister made her wear a dress, Winry was frustrated that they weren't following a schedule, the boys were fighting with each other, and Ed had a headache.

After not having a family picture done since the boys were born, Winry came up with the great idea that they should do one for Christmas and send out Christmas cards to all their friends in Resembool and to Alphonse in Xing. Unfortunately, that meant they would all need to sit still and smile long enough to _take _the picture.

Winry had dressed in a long sleeved blue shirt and a long white skirt. Edward was wearing a long sleeved red shirt. Ethan was wearing a red turtleneck with a blue E embroidered in it, and Anthony was wearing a blue turtleneck with a red A embroidered in it – Winry had made them for the boys for their last birthday. Kristina was wearing a pink dress – and she had begged Winry to be able to wear makeup, but the mother wouldn't have it – and Jordyn was forced into a blue dress.

"Boys, stand behind the girls!" Winry ordered. She just wanted to get this whole ordeal over with. "Kristy, next to your father." The mother pointed to where her husband was sitting. She then sat down and pulled Jordyn just between her and Edward. "Jordyn, please don't cry."

"I-I don't wanna be in a dress, mommy." Jordyn sniffled and wiped her nose. Winry took a tissue, wiping her daughter's nose for her before situating the hair-bow on Jordyn's brown curls.

"We'll just take a quick picture and then it'll come right off, okay?" Winry offered. Jordyn nodded. "But you need to smile."

"Yes, mommy," Jordyn said. She wiped her eyes and brought up a great big smile in desperation to get the dress off.

"Okay, we're ready for the picture," Winry told the cameraman.

* * *

"Mom? For a school project I need a family photo. Do we have one?" Jordyn asked as he walked into his mother's work space – where she made her automail. Since Jordyn had begun to identify as a boy, Edward and Winry began to prepare for when he would hit puberty, so as soon as possible, Jordyn had begun taking medication to stop puberty until he was ready for testosterone. This allowed him to remain a male and not have to explain the situation, while also giving him time to decide if he wanted to take the testosterone step or not.

"A family photo?" Winry asked, putting her work aside to think. "The last family photo we took was…when you were four. I don't think that's recent enough."

"So are you saying you want to do a new family photo?" Jordyn asked. Winry nodded.

"That's exactly what I'm saying. I'll invite your brothers over for the weekend and we'll do it then!" Winry smiled.

Soon enough, the weekend had arrived. Winry had decided to do a nearly identical photo to their previous one, though there was a lot more people. Ethan brought his wife, Alexis, who was pregnant with their first daughter, and Anthony brought Ellie, his adopted Ishvalan daughter.

Winry and Edward sat together, clasping hands. Beside Edward was Ellie with Anthony behind her. Jordyn was standing beside Winry with Kristy standing behind him, and Anthony was standing behind Winry and Kristy with Alexis standing beside him.

"So was that a good picture, or was that a good picture?" Edward joked with a grin after the photo was taken.

"We won't know until it's printed, you idiot," Winry joked back.

"Hey!"

* * *

"What's this?" Jessica Lee asked herself. Brushing her blonde hair out of her face, she lifted the mysterious box out of the attic and brought it back to the living room. "Kids! Get in here!" she called to her children.

Suddenly her two children were at her side. Sammy, her youngest at six years old, sat beside her, waiting for the box to be opened. "What is it, mommy?" he asked.

"She doesn't know, stupid," Ian, her oldest at ten, retorted.

"Be nice, boys. Mommy's about to open it," Jessica said. She opened the box with a cloud of dust beginning to form around them as it opened. She coughed a bit, blocking the dust from getting to her sons. "Holy…"

"What is it?" Ian asked, suddenly interested at his mother's reaction.

"They're old pictures," she said, mostly to herself.

"Of what?" Sammy asked.

"Of my grandparents," Jessica smiled. "Look, that's my grandpa. He had this beard that tickled whenever you hugged him. He looked so young." She pointed to the picture of Edward Elric to show the boys. "And that's my grandmother…"

"Does your grandma make you sad, mom?" Ian asked.

"No, I just never knew her," Jessica answered. "My grandpa really loved her. They were friends growing up. Like you and Lisa."

"Ew! I'm never gonna get married and have babies with _Lisa!" _Ian stuck his tongue out in disgust at the mere thought of getting married to his best friend.

"Alright, alright." Jess laughed. "Wow, I've never even seen these pictures."

"What's that?" Sammy asked, pointing to one of the pictures.

"It looks like my grandpa's wedding," she answered. Turning over the picture, her eyes widened slightly. "There's a note."

"What's it say?!" the boys asked in unison, equally curious.

_'Machine Junkie, I know I don't tell you enough, but I love you. You're my world, and I've been in love with you since I was four – years old. I would do anything for you, and I can't wait to start our new lives together. You are my everything. Love, Alchemy Freak.' _

Jessica turned to her children after she finished reading the note aloud.

"What's machine junkie?" Ian asked, wrinkling his nose.

"What's alchemy freak?" Sammy asked, copying his elder brother by also wrinkling his nose.

"Well, my grandpa was a State Alchemist so he studied alchemy, and my grandma made automail. She actually fitted my grandpa with his automail," Jessica explained, knowing this from when her mother, Kristina, had told her this.

"I wanna be a State Alchemist too!" Sammy shouted out with a big smile.

"You can't be a State Alchemist, they don't exist no more," Ian rolled his eyes.

"Be nice. Maybe Sammy can bring the State Alchemists back," Jessica said, ruffling her younger son's blonde hair. "Go wash up for dinner, I'm going to put these pictures away for us to frame later."

"Yes, mom," the boys said simultaneously, running out of the room.

Jessica smiled softly, placing the photos she had removed from the box back in the box.

_Machine Junkie. _

_Alchemy Freak. _


End file.
